Harriet Lerner is an American psychologist and preeminent voice on the psychology of women, family, and relationships. She is the author of several books on these subjects, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger.
CLEAR ALL
The problem with sexual withholding in a marriage has far less to do with actually having or not having sex and much more to do with misunderstanding.
Are you sometimes aware of holding yourself back from being fully engaged in the experience of the moment? Do you find yourself avoiding activities that bring you pleasure or friends you enjoy spending time with?
Withholding, what is it? Well it is a defined as an emotionally abusive behavior or tactic, a form of denying, refusing to communicate or do something for your partner as a punishment.
Relationship dances between these two types can become very complicated.
Going cold on our partners is often a sign not that we have stopped caring, but that we are - somewhere deep down - furious or hurt
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The issue of who shows an interest in having a physical relationship in a couple might be mistaken for rather trivial; after all, what counts is that it happens, not that one or the other party initiates.
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Dr. Kate discusses how someone in a love addiction cycle generally pairs up with someone in a love avoidance cycle, because their needs are similar but opposite in terms of how they're expressed. Someone in a love avoidance cycle typically enters a relationship under a feeling of obligation or duty.
Healthy relationships are built upon skills emphasizing connection and affirmation. Sometimes, though, a partner may be reluctant to connect, becoming avoidant. This can be especially common when conflicts arise.
Now, the point I really want to make today, is that you don’t need to have experienced significant trauma, or attachment disruptions in your past, to slip into experiencing anxiety or avoidance as a go to coping skill for stress in a romantic situation.
Stan Tatkin returns and serves up another awesome dose of relationship advice through the lens of adult attachment.