Harriet Lerner is an American psychologist and preeminent voice on the psychology of women, family, and relationships. She is the author of several books on these subjects, including the New York Times bestseller The Dance of Anger.
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We naturally become defensive when our spouse begins to criticize us. We listen to refute or correct the inaccuracies, distortions and exaggerations that are inevitably there. The challenge is to listen only to understand.
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The strongest relationships are between two people who can live without each other but don’t want to.
Unhappiness, says bestselling author Harriet Lerner, is fueled by three key emotions: anxiety, fear, and shame. They are the uninvited guests in our lives. When tragedy or hardship hits, they may become our constant companions.
Relationship success requires us to follow this counter-intuitive rule.
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If only our passion to understand others were as great as our passion to be understood. Were this so, all our apologies would be truly meaningful and healing.
The key problem in relationships, particularly over time, is that people begin to lose their voice.
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Like many folks, I love being witness to wedding vows. They remind us how people enter marriage brimming with optimism and hope, vowing to be fair and responsible partners.
Without these two words, marriage, friendship and family can fall apart.
Anger is inevitable when our lives consist of giving in and going along; when we assume responsibility for other people’s feelings and reactions; when we relinquish our primary responsibility to proceed with our own growth and ensure the quality of our own lives; when we behave as if having a...