By Stephen R. Covey — 2011
Synergy is not just resolving a conflict, but transcending a conflict. We go beyond it to something new, something that excites everyone with fresh promise and transforms the future.
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Think of some of the greatest joys in your life, and also some of your deepest sorrows and frustrations. Chances are, they all have to do with relationships. - Melanie Joy
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Some tips to help you nourish each other's hearts.
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Conflict is entirely necessary for intellectual, emotional, and even moral growth. Good thing, because even if we’d do anything to avoid it, conflict will always exist.
Conflict wreaks havoc on our brains. We are groomed by evolution to protect ourselves whenever we sense a threat. In our modern context, we don’t fight like a badger with a coyote, or run away like a rabbit from a fox. But our basic impulse to protect ourselves is automatic and unconscious.
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Learning how to negotiate conflict demands that we become more present, more fearless. We may need to relinquish the hopeful image of ourselves as remaining serene under all circumstances, like sitting buddhas carved from wood or stone
An interview with Danaan Parry
When people are threatened, evolutionary biology dictates extreme reactions: flee or fight? Donna Hicks, who studies conflict resolution at Harvard, says that this dynamic is at the core of much global tension—it’s just scaled up to the level of cities or countries.
Yes, you read it correctly. Conflict is not only welcomed in my life, it is actually needed. Aside from the fact that I teach a course on conflict resolution and so I spend more time on this topic then most humans do, I actually like conflict. Crazy right? Not really.
In order to appropriately engage in a disagreement, then, the point cannot be to win it or change another’s opinion — “otherwise, they devolve into stubborn, angry arguments,” Mr. Chopra said. Instead, “disagreements exist as a place to start negotiating.”
In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Dr. John Gottman’s research proves that 69% of problems in a relationship are unsolvable. These may be things like personality traits your partner has that rub you the wrong way, or long-standing issues around spending and saving money.