Chris Germer, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, speaker, and author on mindfulness and self-compassion. He developed the field of mindfulness-based self-compassion therapy with Kristin Neff.
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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.
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When we take rejection as proof of our inadequacies, it’s hard to allow ourselves to risk being truly seen again. . . . The problem arises when shame kicks in and we aren’t able to view our flaws, limitations, and vulnerabilities in a patient, self-loving way.
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Avoidance will make you feel less vulnerable in the short run, but it will never make you less afraid.
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We cannot make another person change his or her steps to an old dance, but if we change our own steps, the dance no longer can continue in the same predictable pattern.