By John Duffy — 2021
The household tasks taken over by most moms—including the often invisible emotional work—have increased exponentially.
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Hiding your feelings can be freeing. But eventually you have to take off the mask.
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Being in any type of relationship involves some level of emotional commitment, which can, at times, feel draining. But, if you carry a disproportionately large load of the emotional labor in relationships, that level of drain is likely high and potentially unsustainable.
In our rush to bring greater awareness to gender frustrations that we’re just beginning to talk about publicly, we should remember that not all kinds of gender and relationship problems are in fact, emotional labor.
The preeminent sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild discusses the control over one’s feelings needed to go to work every day during a pandemic.
You can take concrete steps to more equitably divide emotional labor with your partner — starting with talking openly about the dynamic.
The phrase “emotional labor” . . . refers to “a situation where the way a person manages his or her emotions is regulated by a work-related entity in order to shape the state of mind of another individual, such as a customer.”
From remembering birthdays to offering service with a smile, life has a layer of daily responsibility that is hardly discussed—one which falls disproportionately on women. Finally confronting it could be a revolutionary step.
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Emotional labor is the unpaid job men still don't understand.
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