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Clarity, Forgiveness Key to Tackling Big Transitions

By Michel Martin, Iyanla Vanzant — 2014

The bestselling author and life coach has counseled hundreds of people through big life changes. Host Michel Martin asks Iyanla Vanzant for her advice on getting through transitions.

Read on www.npr.org

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People’s sense of self-worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they’ve caused. The more solid one’s sense of self regard, the more likely that that person can feel empathy and compassion for the hurt party, and apologize from an authentic center.

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Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others.

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Respect the fact that all you do and are now has evolved for a good reason and serves an important purpose.

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When forgiveness experts talk in binary language (’You either forgive the wrongdoer or you are a prisoner of your own anger and hate’), they are collapsing the messy complexity of human emotions into a simplistic dichotomous equation.

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When we do not put our primary emotional energy into solving our own problems, we take on other people’s problems as our own.

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Anger is a tool for change when it challenges us to become more of an expert on the self and less of an expert on others.

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We cannot make another person change his or her steps to an old dance, but if we change our own steps, the dance no longer can continue in the same predictable pattern.

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Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts

Renowned psychologist and bestselling author of The Dance of Anger sheds new light on the two most important words in the English language—I’m sorry—and offers a unique perspective on the challenge of healing broken connections and restoring trust. Dr.

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Transitions